Do You Need Therapy?

We live in a therapy culture now that seeks to perfect and quicken the messy process of healing, recovery and self-actualisation. Combined with a diagnostic culture, therapy has been normalised in many ways, yet despite a rise in choice and availability, there is still a lack of mainstream understanding of what therapy can help with, what it is and which is most appropriate to seek. There are times when we simply can’t seem to find our way through a situation or feel trapped or stuck, we might find ourselves asking, “Do I need therapy?”

The choice to have therapy needs to be made for ourselves. Even if we seek advice on the type of therapy we need, each therapist is different, the connection is different for each person, and the outcomes can vary therapist to therapist. Incorrect therapy or treatment without the incentive of personal motivation for change will often have little effect. This can leave us feeling further stuck, disappointed or even jaded towards the idea of helpful therapy or healing. 

We generally may need to consider therapy when:

• A problem is ongoing, pervasive and beyond our current capacity or comprehension to deal with alone. 

• If we seem to be stuck and have no idea why, and can't see for ourselves what is happening. 

• If we have been asked by (trustworthy) friends and family to consider it. 

• If we see we are hurting ourselves and others, intentionally, repeatedly or compulsively.  

• If we know we have a problem but can't get to the bottom of it (we have fear blind spots, or our resistance to address it is too strong).

• We feel a need for support or to be held in a container to learn and develop new skills. 

There are times when we can help ourselves, but simply don’t know how, or we aren’t ready for therapy. We may even need to do some self-development work or skill-building for therapy to be effective. Without the right insight, self-awareness or language, some types of therapy may be beyond our ability to best utilise them. 

We likely don't need therapy, but might need to do our own research, skill building or life design and recovery process if:

• We know what our problem is and can find or know the source of any pain, and are willing and able to make changes for ourselves.

• We can see our patterns, behaviours and cycles and see the need for change.

• We are aware of a lack of knowledge, understanding and are capable of exploring it ourselves.

• We have a strong intuitive pull to self-exploration and experimentation, or a strong aversion to avoid a certain type of therapy or interference at all. 

  • This could be a block or simply an indicator that we are not ready for therapy. The key question to reflect on to be clear is exploring our motivations, which are based on fear or empowerment. And further, honestly consider if we are hurting ourselves or others by avoiding it.

• We have a strong support system, and this is a temporary natural lull, low or change in energy, especially if related to a significant event (sometimes all we need is time).

• We are not feeling desperate for help, change or feel impaired by our current circumstances, mood or situations.

• We have an intuition that our process needs to be done alone, or we see that we are making progress without interference. 

To me, therapy is a form of outsourcing healing, and I found that most of the time, when I empowered myself through the healing process, the effects of self-therapy were substantial and long-lasting. But effective, appropriate therapy can be helpful. I've also had appropriate therapy at the right time, which was pivotal to my healing. 

In my experience, inappropriate and mismatched therapy can make situations worse or delay healing and recovery. I found choosing the right therapy, knowing when I need it and responding to my therapist very intuitive. At times, I stayed in bad therapy too long with the wrong person when it wasn't helpful because I lacked the skills to speak up, and I didn't realise I had the choice to change or end the sessions…and my therapist didn't inform me. 

I've also had some bonkers exchanges with therapists online when connecting and networking in certain groups where they didn't even seem to understand the difference between the therapies they offered or appropriate boundaries within them. Each therapist will have their own bias and experience, and some therapists combine different skills to create their own form or process, which can impact how their service is delivered. 

It is also worth considering the environment the therapist provides. Certain therapies offer a more professional setting, for some people, and for me at times this felt intimidating and I couldn't relax, whereas another therapist may offer the same or a similar process in an informal setting, for example. Other therapists might have a more relaxed approach, which can feel too insecure for some people. Nowadays, we might have the option for online services or in-person support, which can change how we respond. It might be better for us to have therapy from home where we feel comfortable or we might prefer a more neutral or different space to process our experiences.  Finding the right environment and delivering therapy can change the result.  

There isn't necessarily a “right” or correct way to heal. But certain types of therapy offer very particular processes which are fixed, and the therapist is trained to follow that process. I found it is important to gain clarity and check that the connection and potential outcomes are aligned before engaging in service, especially if there is an ongoing financial commitment or a set range of sessions.  

I want to draw from that experience for this post and compile an explanation of when therapy may or may not be helpful and what therapy is generally used for, and what I've found to be helpful (on my own and others' journeys).

I've also included some general information to help you make an informed choice of your own. At Love School, we support self-motivated therapy, practices, skill building, shadow work and life design that can all support a choice to attend therapy.

Therapy can be expensive, limited by availability or our location and time-consuming. It can also be necessary, transformative and provided free in some circumstances if accessed through a charity or NHS service (in the UK).

We may not always have a wide selection of therapists to choose from, and we are not (always) obligated to stay with one we don't resonate with. There may be cases or circumstances where rejecting therapy can mean we don’t have access to it anymore, but if it’s not working for us or making things worse, I don’t see how this can be a loss!

I found the best therapists not necessarily to be people I liked or even had the same life values or culture as, but people I respect, who understand their boundaries and I could relate to. I found that when a therapist's nature, temperament or energy type irritated me or their approach was uninspiring, disinterested, or I simply didn't trust them, the therapy was pointless.

I also found some therapists offered terrible advice, and in most circumstances, they shouldn't be offering advice anyway! Therapy should empower our healing process, refrain from offering solutions or suggestions, especially if we didn't ask for or go there for. Sometimes we can feel desperate going to therapy, want answers or other people's solutions, but other people don’t always know what is best for us. Therapists may offer advice or suggestions, but it is always our responsibility to consider them and discern for ourselves what is useful. 

I now also understand the importance of checking what the therapy is, the outcomes it is aiming toward, and clarifying boundaries at the beginning before sessions even begin, most beneficial to make an informed choice and check the connection is right before it begins. I found trauma-informed, victim-focused therapy to be the most appropriate for me, especially when I was seeking support around my abuse trauma and victimisation.

Some therapies have strict time limits regarding the number of sessions, while others have an ongoing nature. Checking which feels best for us or what the terms of any agreements are can be important to make sure the pace of therapy is appropriate for you and you have the time and space needed to process and integrate between sessions. 

We need to feel safe in the environment where the therapy is taking place, and if travelling, consider how you arrive and get home. Therapy sessions can take their toll emotionally and at times physically, so we might not always be in the right state of mind to travel amongst busy crowds or drive even when attending sessions. Some consideration, and leaving plenty of space before and after sessions, I found to be best practice. 

There might be a waiting list before sessions begin, so I found it helpful to ask if there is anything you can do to prepare. And most importantly, don't be afraid to ask questions! The relationship with our therapist needs to be an honest, open, authentic one, so any uncertainty can affect the process. 

Therapy is designed and is supposed to help you heal, recover and grow. I should offer a path toward betterment. So I am always aware when someone has been in therapy for a long time but doesn't feel better or hasn’t improved. If the therapy isn’t working or helping to reach a state of wellness, then it’s not working or effective for the problem at hand. Of course, some conditions may take time to heal, integrate a new way of being into life, but there should generally be a trajectory of getting better to consider the therapy effective. 

We have a lot of choices these days regarding therapies available, so choosing can be confusing. I have broken down some of the main types of therapy I am aware of or have tried myself to help you consider what might be appropriate for you. 

• Counselling Talking Therapy -Is a space to talk openly about thoughts and feelings with a trained professional. It helps make sense of experiences and find ways to cope. Good for anyone wanting to feel heard and supported.
  

• Group Therapy - Brings people with similar challenges together to share and support each other. Led by a therapist, it helps reduce isolation and offers different perspectives. It can be powerful for building trust and connection.
  

• Bodywork or Somatic Therapies - Focuses on the connection between body and mind. It uses gentle movement, breath, positioning or touch to release tension held physically. Helpful when emotional stress shows up as aches, tightness or restlessness.
  

• Energy Work - This Therapy works with the body’s energy fields to restore balance. May involve hands-on healing or visualisation. Chosen by those who feel drawn to subtle, holistic support for emotional or physical wellbeing.
  

• Physical Therapy - Hands-on treatments and exercises to improve movement, reduce pain or recover from injury. Often used after accidents, surgery or long-term pain conditions. Focuses on building strength and mobility.
  

• Touch Therapy - Uses therapeutic touch to soothe the nervous system and ease emotional or physical tension. Can be calming for those who struggle with anxiety or feel disconnected from their bodies.
  

• Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) - Uses guided eye movements to help the brain process and release trauma. Often chosen for PTSD or distressing memories that feel stuck. Involves recalling parts of the memory while following visual cues.
  

• Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) - Looks at how thoughts influence feelings and behaviours. Involves learning new ways to respond to unhelpful thinking patterns. Popular for anxiety, depression and everyday stress.
  

• Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) - Explores how language and thoughts shape beliefs and habits. Uses techniques to shift limiting patterns. Often chosen by people wanting to change specific behaviours or boost confidence.

• Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) - Combines acceptance and change strategies. Teaches skills like mindfulness, emotion regulation and distress tolerance. Often used for intense emotions or self-destructive patterns.

• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) – Helps people accept difficult thoughts and feelings and commit to living by their values.

• Hypnotherapy - Uses guided relaxation to access the subconscious mind. Aims to change habits, ease anxiety or explore deeper issues. Many choose it for quitting smoking, phobias or self-confidence.
  

• Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) - Involves tapping on acupressure points while focusing on an issue. Helps release emotional distress and calm the nervous system. Simple and can be practised alone once learnt.
  

• Art or Creative Therapy - Uses art, music or movement to explore feelings non-verbally, helpful for those who struggle to express in words.
  

• Integrative or Holistic Therapy – combines different approaches to fit the person rather than one method.

There are a lot of different types of therapy, and it can be part of our healing, recovery or self-trust building process to allow ourselves to try new things and practice our discernment.

Developing a self-care routine before to prepare and after to integrate sessions is supportive in many ways and can help the treatment process. 

Sometimes it is not therapy we need. We might be able to guide ourselves (as I did) through the processes that a professional therapist might guide us through. Since I had few resources at times and limited access to the therapies or therapists that interested me, I ended up doing a lot of self-help therapy. This is what the Love School curriculum is designed to support. Often, we can learn these skills for ourselves and use them on our own if we can’t afford sessions or attend therapy sessions. 

At times, we might find other types of support more appropriate for us. We may not need therapy, but instead some other form of guidance. It might be more appropriate to seek a coach or mentor to support our own process of healing or growth or to reach specific goals. 

• Coaching - Focuses on setting and achieving personal or professional goals. Offers practical tools, accountability and encouragement. Helpful for building confidence, making changes or reaching specific outcomes.

• Mentorship - Involves guidance from someone with lived experience or specialist knowledge. Offers insight, support and perspective based on their journey. Often chosen when seeking growth, healing or direction from someone who’s walked a similar path.

Finding the right therapy and therapist is an important process. Online culture has allowed us more choice (for some services). Using your intuition, discernment, and consideration will help to find the right therapy for you. Get clear about your intentions for going and what you want to achieve, set potential outcomes and check that they can be met by the therapist before starting. It can be important to develop skills in seeking appropriate help and support when we need it, and through this process, we can learn to self-advocate.

If a type of therapy or a specific therapist feels inappropriate, off, or if you feel violated in any way, you can stop the therapy or change therapists. Of course, therapy can be challenging and triggering at times, but usually this is part of the process, it is appropriate, the therapist can handle it well, and the therapy feels right despite this.  When we feel we are making progress and moving in the right direction, it is a sign that the therapy is helping. 

If that's not the case and we still feel stuck or unsure, especially after several sessions, be cautious about proceeding. In any extreme cases, you can complain and report any inappropriate therapy, practices or practitioners if you feel necessary.

Therapy can be an empowered and helpful choice that aids a healing and recovery journey. And it is part of our process to make the choice for ourselves and use the therapeutic experience wisely to make the most of it and get the best from it for our benefit.

Additional Recommendations

At Love School, we offer processes that support or can be a part of therapy as part of an ecosystem mindset. Through shadow work skills, you learning to understand yourself better, develop self-awareness and cultivate self-understanding. And by life design tools and processes that all integrate and help strategise and plan a recovery journey.

In the space, we learn skills and explore many of the themes taught in different therapy practices. I would recommend the following bundles to support a healing or recovery journey alongside or to replace therapy currently unavailable to you:

One-to-One Mentorship is a private container where you are supported in a recovery process using the foundations of ecosystem, mindset, shadow work and life design.

Love School Curriculum offers access to our entire range of courses and content to support a healing and recovery process at home.

Love School Membership is a subscription that offers full access to our course curriculum plus a supportive community and regular live events and support sessions.