Shifting Power to Heal Rejection Sensitivity & Bullying Wounds

Most of us are aware at one level or another of the power dynamics involved in bullying. We understand one person is intentionally overpowering, belittling or intimidating the other. We make victims of bullying and perpetrating bullies. But the dynamics of power that can be at play and the movement of them that can cause a shift to resolve these types of conflict are not fully understood. 

There is a reason why bullies bully: they want, need, or desire power, and they find the easiest target to take that power from. Bullying stems from a lack within the bully, even when it is disguised as aggression, confidence (arrogance), or intimidation. This is important to understand as we begin to disengage from bullying dynamics. 

Not to excuse the behaviour of the bully, but to understand their deeper motivations. No form of violence, coercion or abuse is okay. But once I could understand this, it began to unravel a story I had held on to a long time about the nature of people, victimhood and abuse. 

People who become victims of bullying are also living in a state of lack. Their lack might be dressed up as uncertainty, fear, anxiety or confusion. A lingering sense of not belonging and it being wrong, a knowing that radiates that they are misunderstood, not supported and are vulnerable in some way. 

The victim and the bully resonate because they both lack in some area or another; they want power, recognition, they need attention or something similar from the world. 

The problem with the scenario is that the bully chooses force to try and take power, and because the bullying victim lacks, they become or begin to play the essential role of the victim. In some cases, the victim role is amplified, validated and reinforced by the “support” system around them. The bully then also has their actions affirmed, even through negative attention, when they are seen as a powerful character in the play. They are getting exactly what they (subconsciously) wanted. 

The core pain of bullying wounds exists before the first bullying experience occurs.  And that wound is reinforced by the affirmation and validation of the power dynamics at play. The victim already feels lacking, weaker or powerless in some way, and the bully reinforces it. The bully is not able to bully someone who has a strong sense of self, a stable support system and the skills to overcome their attempt to target them. We always need to cooperate in the dynamics for an intimidation attempt, an attack or a conflict to escalate into bullying. 

In reality, a bully can not take power where the victim refuses to give it away. 

Rejection sensitivity can come from the same core wound, and it can be part of the ongoing consequences of a reinforced bullying wound. The sensitivity comes from a sense of lack, an agreement to give power away to others and a cooperation with a roleplay. 

This can all be unconscious to us as we move through life, or these situations. Once we become more conscious of them, we can step out of the play, move the power dynamics, and change the roles. We can heal the sensitivity, become less vulnerable and put an end to bullying and rejection sensitivity when we focus on healing the core wound driving these patterns or responses in our lives. 

When it comes to rejection sensitivity, we may give our power away in different ways to bullying. We might perhaps be feeding a fantasy, idea or illusions we created, pinning hopes on interactions, promises or even imagined outcomes that never really existed and then feel hurt when reality doesn't follow. 

It can be giving power away to others, assuming they are more important than us. Labelling them as more worthy, important or valuable than we are. Feel desperate for something (we perceive) they have and want from them, be it resources, attention, or validation. We place more significance on their opinion, perspectives and offering than our own. 

Only we can do that within our own mind and belief system. 

It might be the case that the person we have been rejected by has more than us, is more important in some environments or concerning certain circumstances, has authority over resources we want or need, maybe they are more advanced in regard to their knowledge or experience. But it is always our choice to make the rejection a story about our self-worth. 

Even when bullying hurts or rejection stings, we can choose to use the experience to learn, grow, respond and heal. We can always gain from it if we shift our perspective and refuse to give power away to the situation or the other person. 

Our choice, where we put our attention and our responses, is where we retain personal integrity, power and self-esteem. 

Often, it is wise to remember that we were rejected because we were first choosing to go after something we wanted. We were already choosing, validating and reinforcing ourselves. We were bullied because we already had power; someone wanted to take it from us. The fault or flaw was of our own making when we decided that the power was not innate and could, should or deserved to be given away to someone else. We may have forgotten that we always had, have and are powerful in every moment. And that our choices dictate whether or not we keep, hold and cultivate more power or not. 

When we become aware we have rejection sensitivity, a bullying wound and beneath these surface issues a sense of lack within us, a wound requiring healing and a vulnerability in how we use our power, we are faced with the choice and option of how we respond and how we take back our power to heal. 

• Shadow work allows us to understand the thoughts and beliefs that underlie our choices and behaviour. 

• Energy work, affirmations and reconditioning our mind through life design processes help us to regenerate more reinforced thinking, responses and energy awareness. 

• Our commitment to presence is foundational to always choosing how we respond to the wounds, the circumstances and the strategy we create to respond to them. 

It can seem painful to take responsibility, and we may even feel a sense of resistance, grief and fear to let go of any vulnerability we have been trying to use as a defence, or to let go of ideas of victimhood and to be accountable for changing our mindset or energy system.

But this is how we heal and grow to avoid, minimise the impact of or evolve past these types of wounds. 

Here are some examples of how we can shift the power dynamic, choices and strategy to respond to bullying and rejection:

• A child is being bullied and physically taunted at school. They could:

  • Learn a skill like martial arts, boxing or gymnastics to make them stronger, more agile and able to defend themselves. 

  • They can learn to use energy work to deflect any unwanted attention and instead use it to reinforce a strong sense of self through practised self-talk and intelligent communication. 

  • Focus on making more friends, doing more of what they love, ignoring the bullying and focusing on what makes them better. Perhaps they can develop a hobby, skills that build a support system, develop communication reflexes, even to the point of appreciating the bully for proving they are noticed and seeing the wound in them.

When we reinforce to a child they have no other response other than to “tell a teacher” or “ignore them” or we even tell them they are “fine as they are” while avoiding the reality they are being bullied and weakened, without putting a strategy for their self growth in palace, we can inevitably reinforce a pattern of giving power to others and removing choices to grow, learn and become stronger in the face of adversity. 

• We are rejected by people we are hoping to sell a product to, refused a job or are made to feel uncomfortable with belittling at an interview. 

  • We can develop strong self-talk and understand we can not control other people, but as long as we are trying and following our passion, we are doing what we can and focused on what is within our control. 

  • Actively look for any wounds, do shadow work and reinforce a more positive mindset. Heal wounds through nurturing and being present with the emotions. Do our best to show up for ourselves without avoiding how we feel. This proves to ourselves that, despite the choices of others or the consequences we face for following our inspirations, we are prepared to believe in ourselves. 

• We are rejected by a love interest we think is a good fit for us. 

  • We can become clear on why they are appealing to us and seek out more people like that or places that might attract more people with those characteristics, values or interests and put ourselves in those spaces. 

  • Nurture our wounds through indulgent self-care, showing ourselves love, attention and any forms of acceptance and validation we might have hoped to recover from the other person.

  • Develop a gratitude practice that affirms we are grateful for the connection, are aligned with that type of person and stay true to our goal of finding the partner we want. 

• We are being intimidated by a colleague or neighbour who dislikes something about us and is intentionally trying to make us feel uncomfortable or change ourselves to suit them. 

  • Reinforce to ourselves that we have a right to exist and stay true to our authentic nature as we choose not to allow their preferences to override our actions. 

  • Spend time considering if we are in any way crossing boundaries, being inappropriate or acting out of line to warrant such behaviours. Get clear on and address any patterns, core wounds or beliefs this behaviour might be highlighting for us that we can work through and grow from. 

  • Use our power to choose to set clear boundaries in any way possible. Consider avenues of self-protection through authorities or following relevant procedures. Make it known to others (without gossiping and seeking validation) that you are feeling uncomfortable around the unwanted attention and unwarranted aggression. 

These are just some examples, and of course, we all have different wounds, choices and ways we might choose to respond to bullying and rejection, but key to all of these options is:

• An understanding of keeping power for ourselves and not placing it upon the actions of others. 

• Holding on to a sense of self-worth and reinforcing it wherever possible through actions and ideas that help us to grow, heal and feel at peace with ourselves. 

When we refuse to play the game of bullying by becoming smaller, a victim or giving power to someone else. When we accept rejection as a part of life and perhaps even an alignment opportunity to find better and more for ourselves than we may have settled for when acting on a place of lack, we can begin to not only nurture and heal our core wounds but to thrive from them. 

Additional Support

If you would like to explore more of this concept and how I healed my bullying wounds and rejection sensitivity, I recommend watching the How I Healed Bullying & Rejection Wounds playlist on YouTube. 

You might also benefit from the following courses or bundles:

Being Yourself in Relationships explores how to find your authentic self as you interact with others.

Healing for Connection is a bundle dedicated to improving ourselves for better relationships.

The Healing Inner Child & Reparenting course focuses on finding those core wounds from childhood and healing vulnerability at its source.

Complete Mental Makeover is a bundle that focuses on mind health and shadow work for deep transformation.

I also recommend signing up for the course Building Your Energetic Power to focus on the energetic nature of growth and evolution as we tap into and understand deep healing and higher realms, exploring power, consciousness and nature-focused spirituality. It is currently on a waitlist and is due to be released soon.