The Atomic Structure of Relationship

Figuring out relationships and how to create successful ones has been a big part of my healing process. For me growing up in a divorced & dysfunctional family, my relationship to relationships was confusing, to say the least! It also turns out I am neurodiverse and connect and communicate with others in ways that are different to the “norm” in social situations, but I didn’t know this! 

All I knew was that personal relationships felt challenging and stressful. I kept finding myself in a repeating pattern of unhealthy and dysfunctional relationships, time after time as a teen and young adult. As I got older, I also had the triggers related to trauma from these situations and the complex relationship dynamics had more challenges to consider. The effects of my pattern became worse and more obvious. I was fearful, and controlling and couldn’t seem to develop a level of intimacy I deeply craved. 

For my health and wellbeing, it had to stop, and I wanted to understand how to maintain the positive aspect of relationships I was naturally able to create. I am very good at naturally connecting with people in day-to-day interactions, I have an open personality, I am empathic and for the most part, I like people. The initial connection of chit-chat was never much of a problem for me. 

My issues would arise over time when I would find myself giving too much, or sharing too much too soon with new people, or when I was expecting too much, accepting or tolerating behaviours or experiences I didn’t want or enjoy and attaching too much to the relationship or connection. I was codependent and fearfully attached in my relationships and was unaware of it.
When becoming aware of this and looking at my patterns within the new relationships I was creating, I found myself seeking an understanding of how to manage the emotions of a new relationship. I needed to learn how to deal with the expected contrasts as they arise and how to create boundaries with people without pushing them away or causing unnecessary conflict. 

I needed something more tangible to understand what was going on and I was given a download from spirit to understand this. 

The Formula

There is a natural structure in natural creation and connection that can help us understand how relationships work and how to create a strong, positive one. When we consider the nature of an atom and how it is created. Here is an exploration of the analogy and download I was given...

Everything that is created and all that exists does so because of the relationship between attractive forces and the balance of positive and negative. Duality is a natural law of our universe; is what makes all life, as we know it, possible. It is a constant push-pull motion in a wonderfully complex balance that is created in the form of matter.

The analogy is based on the structure of a (carbon) atom. This is my translation, as I understand it of how an atom is formed to create matter in the universe.

• An atom compromises of a positively charged nucleus; formed from the equal and opposing forces created by positive charges of protons and neutrons.

• The nucleus is circled by electrons which are negatively charged and are external to the nucleus. 

• Electrons are attracted to the positive charge of the nucleus.

• A newly formed nucleus has a stronger positive charge created by the initial dynamic of the push and pull created by the protons and neutrons, this attracts larger electrons to it.

• It is the circling of the electrons around the nucleus that forms the energy into matter.

• Over time as the positive charge stabilises within the nucleus, larger electrons are attracted to the newer nucleus and smaller negative charges of the electrons surround it. The matter becomes more solid.

For a relationship to form and then for it to matter we must follow the same natural principles as found in the atom.

If we consider protons and neutrons as the two participants of the relationship; it is their positive aspects accepted through neutrality, in a natural and equally opposing push and pull which will create a positive nucleus. In this case, the nucleus is a positive relationship.

• Let's consider protons to be the positive intentions, attention or action of a person in the relationship, they attract neutrons by attracting them through this natural state of energetic flow.

• A neutron then represents someone who is neutral to receiving another person (someone available and stable in their sense of self in relation to meeting another person), they are attracted to the positive attributes of the proton and will move towards it.

• There must be a proton (protagonist… and interested, attracted force) to attract the neutron, which is pulled towards it. But the neutron is in its essence neutral, it doesn’t need nor was it seeking the other but is open to its attraction. So, for the health of the initial attraction and dynamic in the relationship each party must be able to hold their neutrality when considering the positive traits of the other.

In other words, a person may seem wonderful, interesting and amazing when first meeting them, but we all know people have many aspects. We are attracted to positive attention and traits initially. For a healthy bond to be made, we do not attach too much to the positive characteristics of the other, we remain open to exploring and remain neutral towards the connection or what might develop. 

Explaining further, as people we are not fixed. We can have positive emotions, thoughts, feelings and negative ones. We can also find a space of alignment in neutrality where we are simply being and not expecting or needing another. 

To actualise as a sovereign being we become solid in our sense of self and realise we can meet our own needs. We might want to share our experiences with another person but we do not depend upon that, the need for a relationship doesn’t define us. We do not need them to be a positive influence for us to be positive about our self-worth or traits. 

In a relationship, if we attach too much to others or expectations for the relationship and we are trying to take the positive charge from someone else to fill a void in ourselves we create an unhealthy dynamic. 

It is also true that if we are not giving a positive charge in our energy, about our self and sense of self, then we may not attract a neutral person or create a positive (healthy) relationship. If we are only seeing or chasing the positive aspects of a person because we want them to make us feel more positive, then a strong bond or nucleus can not be formed. The strength of the bond of the interaction is created in the flow of positivity and neutrality between both parties in equal and opposing states.

The next level of healing in the established relationship begins when our negative (fearful or shadow) behaviours arise. These are the reasons we might want or need another person to support us or why we feel inclined to shy away. These circumstances will inevitably arise from the charge (invested energy) that is created. We will be at some point triggered by the energy and motion of it all. 

It is wise at these times to embark on some self-reflection practices and become more aware of our fears or motivations. And then once we have gained more clarity and can embody a positive (affirmed/proactive) energy. We would then either integrate our own understanding so we are affirming and accepting more of ourselves or we would make an advance towards the other person to connect with them using this new information. This helps to build bonds of intimacy and strengthen the relationship. To summarise: 

• Once we have created this push-pull dynamic, a relationship is formed, a positively charged one. 

• It will then begin to attract the negative external influences (electrons), that wish to feed off the new energy. It is vital to realise this is a natural process when creating something new. External influences could be our past baggage, our physical limitations, our bad habits or restrictions placed on us through travel, work etc etc.

• When a new relationship is formed the positive charge is stronger and will attract larger (more significant) negativity-charged, external influences (electrons). These large electrons need to be accepted first before the relationship can become stable.

• To make a relationship have more meaning (form into something of matter) and gain more significance (density), the positive charge of the connection must be stabilised by responding to negative external influences. This is done by using a positive attraction of opposing characteristics and skills in retraction and advancement in a state of neutrality towards the outcome or response.
  

Over time as the positive push-pull and balance between the two aspects of the nucleus, the external influences will become less negative; they will affect the stability of the relationship less and less. As it grows the relationship becomes less positively charged (exciting or attractive) but it is more solid in its matter.

In other words, to create a successful, positive relationship that matters we need to be prepared to use the energetic charge when we first meet and interact with someone to work through the biggest opposing challenges to the relationship. If you are able to do that using your positive traits then the relationship will become stronger, then ultimately more stable.

At the core of using this analogy to begin a new relationship, we must be able to stand in our neutrality as an individual who would like a relationship (but do not need it to feel complete) and present the other with positivity. We need to be aware the energy will trigger our negative aspects to be seen and acknowledged and they must be dealt with using the same dynamic that created the relationship (positivity and neutrality).

For the connection to become stable and more solid, we need to be prepared to deal with the negative forces in the relationship as external to it. They need to be addressed as they present themselves and the big issues will come up first. The push-pull of positive and neutral is the healthy way to maintain the charge of the relationship for longevity. We need to be accepting of others and see their positive traits but neutrally, knowing they are flawed people who will have traits or connected circumstances that may be a challenge. 

To use this information to your advantage in relationships:

• To be attractive we need to be positive and neutral towards others and what unfolds, and become aware of this energy dynamic.

• Know what your positive attributes are, to be able to use them to your advantage. 

• Develop self-awareness to be able to notice the natural push and pull to work in neutral harmony with a partner.

Further Resources

If you are interested in exploring relationships and how to have better, more intimate, authentic and healthy connections with others, we think you might benefit from our Being Yourself in Relationships Course!

You might also find our self-exploration course How I Like to Be Loved helpful!