Thriving Beyond Trauma

As a survivor who struggled to find the type of therapy or support I needed to recover from the victimising, frightening and challenging experiences of my life, I had to learn how to support myself through my healing process. I found some great support over the years, but ironically, rarely from the therapy I was prescribed or paid for.

The best therapy I had was trauma-informed, victim-focused therapy that put me, as the survivor, at the heart of the experiences and showed me I was not stuck in those experiences; I was much bigger, more powerful than them!

From this therapy, I learned that when it comes to trauma, we must remember we are bigger than the event. We survived.

I noticed that many people, including therapists, have a fear of looking directly at the trauma. They hold it on a pedestal that reinforces the idea of a victim mindset. When the reality is that the “victim” survived. There is an avoidance of it. A narrative, we must not look at this, it might “retraumatise” the “victim” and make them worse! I understand that there are concerns about retraumatisation, and I also understand that many therapists can and have retraumatised victims by gaslighting them, denying the impact and rehashing experiences without understanding why.

In therapy, we might look at traumatic events, not to go over them again and again, but to see them from a survivor perspective and understand we are beyond them. We learn what we can from it and then heal the wounds, to leave it where it needs to be, in the past, as part of our history. A stepping stone to empowerment.

The event, although it might have changed us, affected us and hurt or caused pain, didn't beat us. It’s important to remind people, without denying their perspective, that they are more than their situation, circumstances or the events they experienced.

Looking at the event from this perspective will not hurt them the same way. What retraumatises people is keeping them in the victim role as the event is replayed. Or reminding them of their vulnerability by overpowering them, playing the saviour or denying the event or impact and therefore weakening them in other ways.

Empowered people can look at their traumatic experiences from many or any perspective and not deny, repress or fear it because they know they survived. The dichotomy of trauma recovery is to validate victimhood without reinforcing a victim mentality. It's empowering while allowing for vulnerability.

The survivor needs to know their strengths and capability that is bigger than, beyond and always more powerful than that which hurt them...while being able to nurture the part of themself that was hurt.

It's like in a power dynamic of the dominant and submissive. The dominant can only dominate as long as the submissive submits. As soon as the submissive chooses to disobey, the dominant has no power. The game is over. Once they are equals in the situation or beyond... the submissive has become the dominant, and the dominant has been neutralised.

When meeting a trauma survivor, we might meet them as the victim, and the role of a therapist is to facilitate and empower them as they see themselves as they are now. As they already are: survivors learning how to thrive. Here, they can meet the trauma as an equal and a dominating force that has a choice.

The survivor chooses to thrive beyond the trauma and find healing and recovery as they hold space for themselves to nurture their vulnerabilities and grow in strength and awareness. The survivor will not be the same post-trauma, not because they were hurt by it, but because they survived it and now know what they are capable of living through.

They are more powerful than the scariest, most dangerous events of their lives!

Often, the problem with mainstream support therapies is that the people giving them in the NHS system exist within the current system, and they are trained in a very specific way. They are trained within a control drama (victim, perpetrator, saviour dynamic), and it's this current dynamic that causes the ongoing harm and retraumatising of survivors.

All the support they can offer is how to cope within the current system, and that's what the soul of the survivor is tired of and trying to escape. The survivor soul wants to soar and be free. This is why depression, anxiety, confusion, and fatigue begin to emerge. They are signals from a dissatisfied soul.

Often, many people have to wait for any sort of therapy or treatment long beyond the time they are ready. Keeping them feeling more and more trapped, stuck and disempowered. The wait, then the disappointment of the service that doesn't treat the core wound, and keeps victims trapped in the cycle at the bottom. Feeling never enough, stuck and muddy.

In the emergence of an evolving humanity at the other end of the spectrum, some have evolved past this. The thriving survivors who perhaps become high-end coaches or therapists offer specialist support. They are there with experience moving and living outside of the system and know their value and worth. They have boundaries and won't settle for the low wages and dissatisfying conditions the NHS is offering. The support they offer is invaluable, and they know it, so to protect their energy, they charge a premium, which is out of reach for many who need it the most.

This is the bridge that Love School provides. I want people in the trenches to benefit and thrive beyond trauma. This is why I offer free content (like this) as much as possible, offer low-cost, accessible at-home courses that teach the premium outside-of-the-system mindset required to thrive beyond the current systems. I also protect my energy and value by providing one-to-one services for those who are ready and can pay at the value level it is worth.

Love School offers the best life-changing courses at the most affordable and accessible price point possible because it doesnt fire me up to help people who already have the resources they need and therefore access to all the support they need. It fires me up to support people to evolve from the depths to the heights they deserve by investing in themselves at whatever level they can while doing the work to heal.

Through my years of recovery, I have learned from different people, in different containers and through my own research, experience and by channelled spiritual guidance. With my systems mindset, I have been able to identify patterns and processes that help others to see the stepping stones they need to go through to recover. 

Each recovery journey is unique because our experiences and trauma are unique, but there is a process I have identified to support trauma recovery. 

Trauma Recovery Process

1. Release the physical charge from the body. 

Somatic release helps to relax and calm the nervous system, ready to begin the healing process. Trauma energy can be trapped in our body, causing physical trigger responses, and somatic exercise helps to release and clear this energy. 

2. Seek validation & get clear on the facts; reality check the circumstances.

If we were young, in intense stress or have been reliving events again and again through flashbacks, we might have created stories, downplayed or exaggerated certain aspects of the events. When a trusted person can help us objectively see the event for what it is. Validate that it was harmful and make sure our perspective is correct so a healing process can begin. 

3. Recognise triggers.

Often, trauma survivors become aware of the trigger responses but have not identified the actual trigger events. Usually sensory, once identified, these triggers can be helpful for the recovery process and give power back to victims to take control of their responses.

4. Begin to detach and process the events objectively. 

Many victims blame themselves for their triggers and the traumatic events or violence against them. When in reality, it was never about them. It was always about the perpetrator or the circumstances that unfolded. When we can step outside of the control drama and realise that we are often entangled in a circumstance beyond our control and that we are not the victim but another part of it, we can begin to detach from the harm it may have caused. 

5. Begin shadow work.

Use triggers to understand the mental constructs that have been made around the events. Asking questions like:

• What have you made it mean? 

• What beliefs about yourself have you developed? 

• How has it challenged your values? 

When we begin to unravel the thought processes for the unresolved mental or emotional trauma, we can begin to make new choices and assign new correspondences to events. 

6. Reframe the events from an observer mindset.

When the trauma has been reframed as an event with significance for us outside of being more than us or dragging us into the drama of it, we can begin the process of learning from it. This is empowering as it elevates us from survivor to thriver as we learn to grow past even the recovery stage. Asking, what can we observe about the events to learn from them and become stronger?

7. Affirm and validate the new perspective and empowerment.

Once we have learned and grown from events, the process of healing can begin as we make amends for ourselves (or others involved) in the event. To thrive, we make new choices to think, feel and respond differently to the events or circumstances around the trauma. We write a new story about it and begin to live it!

8. Re-establish your values and beliefs.

Through the process of creating a new narrative around the trauma, it is an opportunity for deep introspection and identifying what is important (to the survivor) as they move forward. Living in alignment with beliefs and values they identify with is now important to them, allowing a process of embodied thriving to begin. 

9. Consider new ways to respond to triggers and create a strategy.

At this point in the healing process, any old trigger may begin to resurface, but with the new mindset and developed skills, a new strategy to respond can be made. 

10. Practice the strategies when events come around and notice any presenting lingering wounds.

Before we fully heal and especially once we have created strategies to clear and respond to triggers, the final throws of the trigger responses often arise. At this point, trial and error allows the survivor to refine and improve their embodied strategy as they integrate and take ownership of their wounds, allowing them to be incorporated as part of themselves without shame or judgment. Releasing any lingering emotions, mental or energic, that the event might be holding on to. 

11. Consider environments, relationships and any trauma-related decisions or fawning.

At this phase, as a new way of being has emerged, letting go of old habits, guilt, or attachments to the victim or survivor entanglements is important. The thriving survivor chooses to allow helpful, nurturing and empowering people, places and experiences in their life. 

12. Action in aligned peace and empowerment.

This final phase is where thriving becomes a new lifestyle. They may have made new choices, adapted a new way of being and are practising every day, becoming more comfortable and aligned in this new state. At this point, there may be a release of foreignness as a whole new story is established. 

We all deserve wellness and peace no matter what budget we have available, and that's the problem Love School solves. I want people to experience the contrast of trauma and stress vs peace and power that I have! I love to support the next level of evolution from surviving to thriving!

Recommended Support

If you enjoyed this blog and would like to embark on a healing and recovery journey, I would recommend the following Love School products:

For a dedicated trauma recovery process, we recommend the Complex Trauma Recovery Course. It is a subscription model that offers a community discussion space and regular online group sessions.

Become a member at Love School Community and access our full range of courses, be invited to our exclusive events, attend weekly live sessions and be part of a like minded, private, supportive community focused on healing and recovery.

If you prefer to work through your recovery alone with support from this dedicated space, our Curriculum bundle offers lifetime access to the entire range of products at Love School.