If you know you need to take a rest or break from work but every time you try something seems to happen and you can't say no. This sort of pattern can be a sign of something deeper going on.
It can be a boundary issue related to not feeling enough combined with a lack of trust of others. Always feeling the need to be the one to step in, not being able to allow others to take control, being afriad of allowing things to be less than perfect.
When it comes to health and wellbeing rest is vital. Our bodies and minds need time away from duty to rejuvenate and heal. Our spirit needs time to ourselves to reflect and enjoy all the things we are working for. Without this life becomes off balance and our health wellbeing, energy and motivation begin to suffer.
Our work suffers regardless of our showing up physically because we are able to give and perform less and less mentally and energetically. And I know you know this. This is why you're trying to take the time off in the first place. It's other things that get in the way.
But it's these other things, the aspects of life we can't control, other people, changes in circumstances, being let down or having things go wrong are not always our responsibility to instantly respond to. It's a trauma response to jump in and be the saviour. This is where our over striving kicks in, its a coping mechanism, a form of people pleasing most likely learned in childhood. We can't let go, say no, let things fail, let someone else handle things or just wait and see if time and space changes anything.
But what we are forgetting, minimising, ignoring when we go along with is is our innate, important and vital human needs. Rest, taking a break, needs to be a priority. A solid, protected and respected priority.
This is where our boundary setting comes in. Being able to set that boundary, hold the no and relax with the decision you've made so you can enjoy the space is where we may need to practice and explore. Because us, ourselves, is the only aspect of life we can control.
Being able to do this might require some some delving to understand why we can't in the first place. Most often it comes back to either learned behaviour as children where we were rewarded, encouraged for stepping in and shamed, or discouraged for saying no, not cooperating or wanting time to ourselves. Or (and maybe) a coping mechanism related to traumatic events where we learned to cope by being busy, especially if these events happened to coincide with time off, holidays, rest days or when we were "supposed" to be enjoying ourselves or relaxing. It can also be a symptom of codependent habits. Without a chat, a delve and some self enquiry it can be hard to know.
The good news is its a practice and skill that can be developed and become easier with time. Especially when we take the time to unpack and understand the reasons why we struggle and make a strategy we can use to reinforce our boundaries and any resistance towards them. The more we allow ourselves to relax and prioritise time off, the easier it becomes to allow situations out of our control to happen without needing to immediately step in. Sometimes there is someone else who can handle things, time does sort things out and situations that seem vitally important aren't.
It can ripple into many areas of our lives and ultimately improve our health, wellness, work and relationships. The only way to release our controlling habit to step in and save the day, the only way to know if something is vital is to not respond and see what happens. This type of practice and being able to validate our human needs builds confidence, trust in ourselves and others and resilience in the face of change. It gives us options and freedom.
We can't learn and be open to life and gain peace in freedom if we're not willing to take the risk of things being less than perfect, having glitches, people and situations having to wait and be inconvenienced. We can't really gain wisdom to know when something is an emergency unless we allow somethings not to be. We can allow ourselves to have more of ourselves and enjoy our free time without giving less to others and protecting that space.
If you struggle with this type of pattern and would like some support to unpack and move through it my The Art of Enough six month mentorship programme can guide you through this process.
Learning to set boundaries and understanding the unconscious reasons why this is challenging to us and creating a strategy to change this is one of the main things I support with. I also help you to become clear on your values and what's imposition you as you set boundaries in line with your integrity and help you to get back in touch with your hidden desires to enjoy your free time more.
The programme involves a four figure investment which is worth so much more in return when considering the health, relationship and work benefits of becoming comfortable with rest and allowing more balance, flow and ease into your life.
If this sounds like something you would like to explore, send me a message and we can see if it's a good fit.