WHEN WE DON'T HEAL OUR CHILDHOOD WOUNDS WE CAN SEEK LOVE, APPROVAL & MEANING THROUGH OUR WORK, MONEY OR THE ACCUMULATION OF WEALTH AND NEVER EVEN REALISE IT AS ADULTS.

Something I have noticed, especially since the rise of social media is the constant glorification of money, work and achievement presented to us as the only marker of our success in life. Society says the bigger our wealth the more successful the person. But ever since I was a child, especially after time spent as a teen and young adult around my aunts elite friends, I have seen a big issue with this association. 

Regardless of their wealth many of these people were deeply troubled. They felt lonely, they struggled with addiction, were paranoid and felt unsatisfied in their lives. The dissatisfaction often lead to constant striving to have more, do more, be more, get richer without ever really enjoying or appreciating the wealth they had. 

Sending time with a university friend from an incredibly wealthy family where he and his brother felt completely rejected and abandoned by their parents as they swanned around Europe leaving them at boarding schools or to fend for themselves. My friend said he never felt loved and felt pity for his brother who lived as he did his entire life in institutions or alone without ever knowing his parents for more than a few days at a time. 

Watching friends of a friend gamble thousands on football games, betting in Indonesia like it was bubble gum without it being fun or enjoyable so common and lacking any thrill or joy from their wins. Not having worked a day in their lives they lacked any passion or motivation so would spend their time drinking, gambling or drug taking, making money to fund their lifestyle, buying their way out of trouble that no body ever cared they made.

Time and time again, in different circles of wealth I saw a lack of care for the simple needs we all crave; love, connection and appreciation. A longing for soul or satisfaction in life beyond the sparkle of glamour, pretentiousness and expensive drinks. 

This is not to say all people who have wealth are lacking in love but more so to speak to the pattern and underlying pain I often witnessed being expressed through the behaviour wealth enabled. 

These days through the media we see the richest people in the world speaking yet often I am greeted with a sense of shallowness, sadness or hidden pain as they are poised and celebrated gods simply because of their wealth. No one looking past their net worth to see the human beneath. 

For example I saw a video where Andrew Tate where he was talking about most people having a slave mind and yet he bragged about working every minute if his day, where ever he goes, whatever he is doing. He talked about being able to buy everything he wants but he wouldn't care enough to use it. He uses his resources to consume without consideration or meaning. It makes me wonder, what is the point in his endless quest for money then? If he doesn't even enjoy what he is working for? 

At this level of wealth when all his physical needs are met, will he will ever have enough and how will he be satisfied? A man who can buy anything but doesn't think marriage is a good idea because he might lose some of his money if it goes wrong. I question, what is the point of living if money means more than love, connection or enjoyment of life?

I saw another video where Jeff Bezos talks about his success coming as a result of choosing between a life of ease and comfort for a life of service and adventure. Some see this as raw ambition claiming his virtue since he has spent his life working hard towards his goal of becoming a billionaire. But what would drive someone to give up ease and comfort in their life. Especially when we consider the reputation Amazon has for their treatment of staff. Bezos rejection of ease and comfort in his life seems to have spilled into expectations of his employees that they too willingly accept. 

It seems ideas like this are deeply rooted in our culture and particularity through families that have vast wealth. To give up the basic needs of human life and comfort an expectation of maintaining wealth or accumulating or achieving more and more. Elon Musk has spoken about his loneliness and pain over his divorces and missing out on his children's lives as he chooses work over his family and connections. 

The message from self made millionaires and billionaires is very often one of striving for pride. So many people want to know where does this desire to strive comes from and how such high achievers maintain their motivation and sadly often the answer is celebrated work addiction. A cancer is a form of endless growth, consumption, accumulation without considering the health of the host. The idea of unapologetic, endless growth as a priority over human connection is a worrying trend and wounding to a child exposed to these ideas. But what price is life really charging us to live this way and what is the true cost of that kind of success? 

Many of us who experience work addiction find at the root of the striving is often a childhood of suffering, hardship and lack. Perhaps even a childhood of hurt, loneliness, neglect, abandonment or abuse. It is then easier when we can see this wound within us to really see where this drive for money, success and the accumulation of wealth comes from. The drive is coming from a place of pain and struggle which is mimicked in patterns of over achieving and harsh, unapologetic routines. 

Of course, not all people who experience wealth experience this pain and of course many people who do not experience wealth feel the same pain. Many of us succumb to this drive which is actually for validation, attention and appreciation. Not seeing our wounds we direct energy towards making money as we try to validate ourselves and build worth through our work or doing “good” in the world. Always needing to be useful in the hopes of being appreciated, valued or admired. Fearing we are not enough. Always seeking love. 

There is nothing wrong with money, or the acquisition of it, there is nothing wrong with saving money, having a lot of money, being in a position of power because of money, striving, achievement or obtaining wealth. Money and career success in regard to the deeper meaning of life is essentially neutral. Because money can not buy what is really valuable in life; health, love, fulfilment and more time to live. 

When we believe it does, at the expense of our sprit our heart or our integrity, are we really losing the point, value and innate worth of living life and the vulnerable nature of it. No matter how rich or powerful we are we can never buy these things. 

Money might help us access more of what we want or need, it might even help us access the very best of what humanity and our knowledge and skills can offer us, borrowing us more time or improved health and wellbeing but it can not buy us love and real soul connection. 

When we understand this illusion of striving and accumulation as a standard of success, as an over celebrated mark of our achievement, we can begin to see the slave sickness in our culture in even the richest amongst us. When we see it we can begin to become free of it. We can turn our attention to the inner child that is afraid, angry or jealous who has been left to fester and be ignored as it becomes a toxic part of our shadow. 

For most of us this might show up in the form of depression or anxiety as we feel nothing for our work or achievements but can not stop doing it. It might show up as fear of giving up on a career or project we once were deeply passionate about after years of doubt, struggle or disappointment. It might show as bragging in front of others or creating our entire identity around our work, position or career, deep down fearing we are nothing without it. It might look like working despite exhaustion, having no time for leisure or relationships allowing family, partners, friends and even our children to be neglected in favour of work that always has our priority and attention. 

I, like many or even most of us have chased money in my life, I have experienced lack, been hurt by poverty, wished for more, worked harder and harder for more, desiring or dreaming that if only money would come my problems, my pain would all be gone. Of course it is not true. Money never did solve my problems or heal my wounds. It is a childhood dream to think this.

Inner child wounds can be deeply entangled in our work life through our schooling or when our parents may have prioritised attention, praise or rewards for our doing, serving or achievements while ignoring us, punishing us or neglecting our needs while we are relaxing, having fun or prioritising what we enjoy. Perhaps your parent prioritised their work or money over you and your needs as a child and you are simply mimicking what you know without realising the hurt you have been tolerating for so long. 

Working through inner child wounds freed me from my work addiction and money chasing. It helped me to find the love I hoped work or money would bring and instead find it within myself and finally see the worth and value I innately have regardless of my work or bank balances. 

Now I'd rather be comfortable and have an easy life than use people to serve others. I'd rather enjoy the things I need to buy and appreciate their value than have so much it all becomes worthless. Because to me escaping the matrix is not about money and access to power it is about freedom of my spiritual expression. It is loving because life and living and being is enough. 

Yes access to resources and money is part of that because money aids me to better express in the world. I like to work, I love to produce and create and be able to consume what I need or desire. But not in exchange for my soul, or by using others or for endless addictive consumption I have mastered the skills I need to keep this in balance to keep my peace, enjoy simple pleasures and enjoy my life. 

There is nothing money or work can give to me that I can not give and soothe within myself. I won't allow my life to be directed by guilt or shame or the harmful patterns of my heritage. This is the value of my healing and the result of my inner child work. 

These skills can be taught so you can also experience the same relief and freedom from your inner child wounding and work addiction.

You will know you are free from work or money addiction when you can rest and relax and be happy with little or nothing. When you do not need or crave more, when you can appreciate what you have and enjoy where you are. When work can wait without it being imperative or a constant stress racing against time. 

You know you are free from these addictions when money and work can not push or pull you around life. When your choices are directed by a deeper love for yourself and a respect for life. You'll know you are free from the hold of this condition when with or without wealth or status you value yourself the same in every room, place or space no matter who you are with and what you have with you. 

If you recognise you may have these deep driving inner child wounds or you are struggling with your sense of self worth. If your value is measured through your bank balance or your work, performance and what you can do or give to the world, especially at the expense of your integrity, health or relationships. If you don't know how to love yourself when you are doing nothing and being no one my six month program The Art of Enough will help. 

Send me a message or read through the programme pages to find out more.