When we are born, we are given an identity. An identity is mainly attached to us by our parents, caregivers, guardians, family, our environment, our early experiences, school, friends, and teachers. They reinforce who we are with their ideas and perceptions of us. Even media, stories and assumptions made about our preferences and what they mean all begin to create an idea of who we are before we even have a chance to discover for ourselves. As impressionable children, all these influences begin to shape us and our personality, how we identify, more than our personal growth and expression at times. 

As we go through adolescence and begin to grow into adulthood, we may rebel and explore our own identity, try to figure out who we are as we fight back against ideas that were placed upon us. And often this can be in rather radical or extreme ways as we expand and shift out of the confines of the ideas of others or society. This is a normal, natural part of our progress until it settles into a way of being that we find comfortable and can feel more aligned with how we see ourselves. 

But this stage of our young lives often ends up being an identity which is a hybrid between our young ego identity created by our conditioning and this radical response of our own self-perception. Which in itself is flawed and created through stories and rejection or acceptance of ideas or beliefs we have cultivated. 

We may learn over time that this idea of ourselves is not serving us or hasn't served us well, especially when we are ready to grow again, as we meet a rite of passage or if we hit a crisis point, which often is our late 20s, early 30s.  

We realise we've been an adult for long enough, and the ideas of who we are or who we thought we might be still don't feel quite right for us. We may be changing our role in society, becoming a partner parent ourselves and meeting new expectations of life or facing the reality that we are not and we thought we wanted to be. We might consider more deeply where we belong or how we've gotten stuck. 

At this stage, we have probably faced some real challenges in life, explored new areas of possibility and found the truth of our own limitations and lack. We have faced consequences for our choices, had to suffer the blows of experience and failure or taste the lack of satisfaction of achieving goals that were never really ours to begin with. 

There are certain points in our life where the identity, the construct that we create to define ourselves, to differentiate ourselves from others, to try and contain our experience, no longer fits. It is a form of ego death and rebirth as we are pushed to change and find a need to explore and shape a new one. 

But first, we have to deconstruct the old, and this is often where we have periods of quite radical change occur. Life, God or our own higher self might force change upon us if it sees us being stifled in ways we are too fearful to address. Our old identity might happen to crumble right in front of us, or suffocate us to a point where we need to break out of it as we ask the questions, What's left? Who am I now? 

The void, that place where growth is beginning, is a place of deconstruction and transformation. Where the darkness of a seed of an idea that's been planted of who we might be able to become is brought to life. There are periods here where it can feel uninspiring, fearful, and lonely. We can be unmotivated, lack clarity, and it can be a difficult place to navigate. 

This is where we might begin with an idea of how to create a new identity, something that might spark an interest in us. We might find something new and interesting to explore, meet a new person or group of people who awaken something within us and find ourselves shifting and moving into an idea of what we could be, that is attached to a whole new identity. 

At this point, the identity is useful in some ways because it takes us out of the void, it gives us the energy and the inspiration to begin growing again, moving and changing. We begin a new phase of evolution, which can feel welcome and empowering.  

But as evolving souls, we would be wise to remember that we're always growing and changing. That this identity is just a whole brand new limitation and box we're about to go into, that one day we will hopefully also outgrow. 

Think of a seed that first grows into a plant in a seedling container, that gets moved into a nursery pot, then into a garden container, and eventually into the ground and becomes part of the garden. The plant may even be a tree that would ultimately benefit from being planted in the forest to thrive and fulfil its full potential. 

Much like that plant or that tree, our journey is to expand and enjoy more of life so we can grow, enjoy and expand into our full potential, which can never be contained in a single place, space or identity.

As we naturally grow and heal, move and recover, these shifts in identity can support us at times. They can give us a safe boundary of a container to control our growth in many ways, so it doesn't feel quite so intimidating. 

But as we grow spiritually, energetically, as we evolve as people with more and more experience, insight, perspective, no matter what identity we adopt, it's always going to need a shift and change. And as evolving conscious beings, it's up to us to begin to recognise when and how that identity needs to be allowed to dissolve, disappear, crumble, or be allowed to die and fall away right before our eyes. 

At times, we choose this for ourselves as part of a natural process, and other times, life brings this choice to us or takes away the choice completely, as our identity and everything we thought we knew about ourselves is completely stripped from us. It might be a sudden loss, a death, a change of career, a birth or the leaving of a child. It could be illness, intervention, new commitment or breakdown of a relationship. 

I find that true evolution comes when we can feel somewhat comfortable with this change. 

Not necessarily in the process, which can be challenging or by ignoring the feelings of discomfort and change as they arise, but harbouring an innate knowing that it is part of the process of growth, that it's necessary for us, useful, planned, orchestrated, and even desirable. We can use this knowing to centre us, help us find our ground and ease some of the suffering that can come with grief, struggle or growth. Especially if we want to experience more of the world, know more of ourselves, and have a larger, freer, more fulfilling life experience than what we have in the past. 

Detachment from identity can be difficult at times, but given the right tools, insight, and perspective, we can learn to embrace this change. For example:

• Finding peace in a child moving out of our home, by knowing we will always have provided them with the best start we could. 

• Finding the strength to recover from trauma, knowing we survived the experience and can grow to become more from it. 

• Choosing to focus on wellness post-diagnosis gives us a new perspective on life and a lesson in self-love. 

Change is never easy, and our identity, who we think we are, who others think we are or see us can seem like a foundational part of our existence or who we are. But we are always more than that. We embody more than our identity and cannot be contained by these ideas. When we can step into the awareness of this truth, our crumbling, changing identity, the meaning we attach to it all, can all fall away to a beautiful, powerful experience of rebirth. 

Additional Support

This is what we can support with at Love School, as we learn to navigate a shadow world of ourselves that creates our identity and be flexible in the life design that can support these phases of perhaps creating a new potential for ourselves and meeting that potential where we're at. 

Whatever journey of healing, growth, recovery, or self-improvement requires this ebb and flow, this contraction and expansion of our energy, of our identity, and our perspective and integrity, as we learn to evolve.

If you are currently struggling with a need to dissolve and detach from old identities or you have found yourself in a place needing to understand how to navigate this type of personal growth, you might benefit from the following free products. 

An Introduction to Shadow Work Masterclass will help you to understand the process of creating, questioning and reforming identity. 

The Energetic Alignment Initiation brings together spiritual expansion with grounded energetic practices that create a balanced, supportive lifestyle as you evolve and grow energetically. We follow a life design process of self-exploration and deeper introspection to recover from a spiritual awakening and align with wellness as you tune into a new way of living and being, connected with self as part of nature.

The process is specially designed for beginners and is an introduction to understanding the benefits of holistic growth.

Our additional free resources may help with different aspects of evolving identity.

Evolving Through Grief PDF can support with ideas to navigate loss and grow as part of a grief journey. 

Growing Through Loneliness PDF can suggest positive ways to embrace the space of the void as we change and move from an old identity into a new, more aligned version of ourselves. 

You can browse our full range of supportive courses at Love School Shop!