It can feel like an attack at times when we are healing to have others reject, blame or criticise us for our responses when we are stressed, in pain or feeling intense emotions. We may even have trigger responses, being or doing our best and not knowing how to respond differently. 

We always only have the current capacity, knowledge and level of skill we have now, in that moment, and the longevity of the healing journey can be tiring. 

Sometimes, we may need to decide where we are and how we are enough and allow ourselves to be alone, misunderstood or stop changing for others at times. However, when we commit to this process of healing and recovery, it's expected that we will meet challenges, resistance and even push back from others. 

The universe seems to bring us people's circumstances and situations that challenge us to our core at times, showing us what we need to heal, and it can be overwhelming, confusing, or simply very annoying and frustrating at times. 

We can also find ourselves in a place or space mentally where we feel powerless to change, where we are told we can not heal; terms medical professionals use, such as “treatment resistant", can halt our progress. Or receiving a diagnosis that declares the severity of our wounds or the conditions we face are irreversible, incurable and can not be changed. Reading a report or publication that says our condition is likely lifelong can all feel like we have reached the end of the healing road. These claims may or may not be true. 

But regardless of what situation we find ourselves in, as people committing to bettering ourselves and finding peace and wellness, understanding what we are responsible for and being accountable is all part of recovery and transformation as we evolve. Exploring what is true for us may be part of it. 

Choosing to follow our own path, opening our minds to alternative endings, finding and even at times challenging our boundaries or what we think we know, all lies with us and not others.

 Early in my healing journey, I often used the Serenity Prayer as a mantra or a guide for my healing process. Even before recovery, this prayer had been an important and significant one in my childhood home, despite our family not being religious for the most part.

The prayer “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference” is something I come back to time and time again to find strength and alignment. It is positioned in the centre of my home and is even tattooed on my body! 

I find these three pillars of character, or virtues, are what have always been required to help me to find peace, wellness and carry me through hard times, throughout my recovery journey. 

The prayer reminds me of being aware and present, embracing powerful states of acceptance, surrender, and responsibility:

Being at peace, knowing some things are not in my responsibility, and I can not affect change and control them.  

These things are not mine to resolve, worry about or put energy into. They drain, distract and can weigh heavily on the spirit or on the body and mind. People of faith would consider these things to be in God’s hands and not our burdens to bear. 

These are things like the past, other people, and world events. 

Being courageous enough to take responsibility for things I can change and make the changes. 

Being honest with myself about what can be done differently, where I have been or done wrong, stepped out of alignment and when something needs amends. Being able to look and see my flaws, accept them and decide what about them I could and would change, or if I am not going to change them, taking responsibility and being accountable for the consequences of what occurs because of them. 

These are things like behaviours, choices, responses, boundaries, considerations, and attention. 

Having rough discernment, gaining the wisdom to know, in each situation, what I can and can not control and taking responsibility or letting go accordingly. 

Choosing peace over worry, taking action over avoidance, and being considerate and thoughtful. 

Wisdom often comes at the cost and expense of experiences; it is hard-won, so it is important we use it wisely! When we know better, do better, and this development of ourselves is fundamentally part of healing and recovery or how we evolve and grow in our human experience. 

These are things like knowing when to speak or act and when to leave things alone, when to try and when to walk away, when to rest and when to activate. 

Beyond this wisdom and insight we gain within ourselves, life design can support us as we learn these skills. 

Part of life design is becoming conscious and aware of the impact of the choices we make. It is, in its essence, taking responsibility for what we do, what we allow, and what we choose for our lives. Considering how we respond and learning how to be ourselves and at peace and stay well, through life's changes. Developing our skills and awareness to have more consideration for ourselves and our lives, and how we cultivate our lifestyle. 

Often we have ended up in recovery because we have made choices in the past that were not considerate. Or what we chose didn’t serve us well and led to difficult consequences. We might have adapted to life events, tried to cope and struggled, even to the point of developing illness and unrest, despite our best efforts. 

Regardless of how we came to require recovery, taking responsibility for where we are is a powerful step, and life design can be our support tool as we take it. 

Life design can be used in many contexts. Personally, professionally, for ourselves and in relationships or even projects and goals we are striving toward. It's essentially a process of considering before creating and adapting as we create to make the best and most of what we are creating. In this case, our lifestyle, or recovery process. 

Life design understands that we can predict certain things or become more aware of what might have caused unexpected outcomes and account for them, respond and make changes and divert or reassess and plan a strategy. So that any negative or unwanted impact is minimised and beneficial outcomes are maximised, flow is allowed, and the requirement of ongoing care and maintenance (decay) is compensated for.

So, when we consider the wisdom of life design, with the intention of the Serenity Prayer, there are certain steps we can take, consciously, in situations around ourselves or in our day-to-day lives and interactions with others that can help us to minimise the unwanted and cultivate a space that allows for more of what is wanted. 

The first stage of life design is data collection, doing our due diligence. 

This can be paying attention, observing, not making assumptions and taking real, tangible steps to find out about a situation, problem or person before we decide to engage and how we will engage with it or not. 

Many situations we might dive into that lead to challenging consequences could be avoided by slowing down, observing, asking relevant questions, and really considering more potential outcomes. 

We might even have an intuition, notice warning signs or "red flags”, have nudges that we aren't in the best scenario, but we carry on regardless, push them aside and make assumptions. We might want to assume the best, but it is also important to consider the worst and be realistic about the impact and investment something might need to see it through. Especially if our senses are warning us. 

We are looking for clues to find out:

• What is going on in the situation? Power dynamics, practicalities, and other people. 

• What do others involved seem to want or need? Consider their intentions. 

• What is the root of the problem? Considering if it's something solvable and if it is your responsibility to be involved. 

• How much time might it take if I invest in this? 

• What might be expected of me?

• What resources would be needed, and are they available to me/us?

Gathering data also involves being aware and gathering of ourselves. 

• How do we feel?

• Do we have the skill or capacity? 

• What do we need to do this or know about this? 

• Why do we want this thing? Do we have a clear intention, or could there be underlying agendas?

• What are we prepared to do or give and offer?

The data collection fuels us with information for the next step, clarification and making agreements. 

When we make agreements or clarity, we are asking and being certain of what both parties think, feel, want, need and expect. 

It can take time and might even cause some friction. But that is the point we are addressing the friction up front, so it doesn't build and escalate and need to be resolved, in potentially more complex ways down the line. 

We have a choice as we clarify whether we want to emerge further or not. Each step forward is a step toward making an agreement and investing more of our precious time and energy. Each clarification tells us if we want to engage more or if it is right for them and us. 

If it is not, we stay in our integrity and alignment by either responding and making changes (that we both agree on) or not engaging further. 

As we make agreements we make sure we both or within our lives know what we are doing and why. As we do this, we gain direction, insight and knowledge that can fuel the success of the endeavour or prepare us and inform us if adaptations are needed. This process is how we keep alignment. 

When it involves ourselves, our wellness and capacity dictate the alignment, with others, it is often our nervous system, intuition and stress levels. Of course, we aren’t always seeking total ease and peace; at times, tension and effort are required to make things work, but we know it's right when that feels like the best and right thing to do, is expected since it serves a purpose and is within our capacity, so not causing overwhelm or leading to burnout or crash outs later. 

The point of this data collection and clarification process is to avoid these results and adapt and adjust so we find the win/win form, whatever we are engaging with. 

The final stage of the life design process in this case is to respond to feedback, check in and follow up, responding appropriately to what unfolds or has occurred.

This is where we have to be accountable for what we invested, contributed, added or removed from a situation.  Our response might be to set or adjust boundaries, tweak the amount of time or resources we need to invest, consider what an appropriate response is for our or others' capacity or for the outcome we desire. 

As we respond to the feedback, we are nudging ourselves toward the alignment that keeps us on the right path and direction. 

We can use these principles combined in many aspects of our healing and recovery journey, for ourselves, with others and when we engage with the world and create in our lives. 

When we take responsibility for what we can change, pay attention and apply due diligence, we avoid many misaligned solutions or dynamics. When we respond accordingly, understand what we can not change, let things go, allow space or consider things further, we can be at peace with those things we can not affect. Being at ease and allowing is just as powerful at times as taking action; things might naturally move and adjust themselves, and it becomes a skill to navigate these choices. 

It is through the wisdom we gain by being proactive this way that we step into accountability for our lives. We find that sweet spot where our capacity expands, we grow, and can improve our life, circumstances and relationships for better wellness and recovery. 

Additional Support 

If you enjoy reading about this subject, you can find out more in our Life Design blog post category. 

The Energetic Alignment Initiation brings together grounded energetic practices that create a balanced, supportive lifestyle as you evolve, change and grow. We follow a life design process of self-exploration and deeper introspection to align with wellness as you tune into a new way of living and being, connected with self as part of nature.

The process is specially designed for beginners and is an introduction to understanding the benefits of holistic growth.

Our Energetic Alignment for Recovery Masterclass also explains how we can navigate alignment as we learn some of these principles to steer ourselves towards wellness. 

Our Introduction to Life Design course shares life design concepts and tools that you can use to navigate a healing or recovery journey, or other personal, professional or relational use.

 Our Building Energetic Power Course dives into the deeper workings of energy understanding to help you build cpacity ot hold more of life's circumstances as they unfold.