A hard lesson I have had to learn on my healing and recovery journey is ‘If you don't do the work, nothing changes’.

We aren’t always ready for change, we can spend a lot of time preparing for a move into recovery, as for whatever reason our mind, body and energy are resistant to the next level or energy exchange required for growth or wellness. There can be many reasons for this. We can have deep-rooted fears in our subconscious mind, trauma responses, a lack of resources, energy or support. 

I’d like to reflect upon a period in my life when I was facing a deep depression. I had had periods of depression for a long time. I had harboured suicidal ideation and held a lingering sense of dread about life and my future at times that was part of who I was. This period, after a suicide attempt, I was struggling with a particularly bad period of depression. For around nine months, I could barely leave the house, stuck in a rut. My form of escapism was binge-watching television shows. I would watch shows constantly on repeat just to fill the void of passing time (I used to smoke cannabis and lean on my addictions, but that's another story!), having no energy, motivation or inspiration to do anything else. 

At one point, I watched a show called Extreme Makeover, Weight Loss Edition, on which extremely morbidly obese people were challenged to lose hundreds of pounds in a year. I watched it because it gave me motivation to get through my day, to not give up. 

I would also sometimes sit and do research. I’d follow hunches, gather information online, and read books. I was aware I didn't want to be depressed. I knew that my habits and behaviour were not taking me out of depression, but I couldn't seem to find the motivation to move at all. 

I'd gathered quite a lot of knowledge at that point, starting to understand that perhaps nutrition played a role in getting out of depression and that there was more to mental health than just a label, that there might be things I could do to change this state of depression. 

But still, for months and months, day after day, I would do the same thing. Perhaps learn more at times when I did have some motivation, but I did nothing to make my situation better. 

One day, I was watching this extreme makeovers program and saw the effort, really, truly saw the huge effort these people had to go through to lose weight and how hard it must be. Suddenly, I could see the strain and struggle and pain they were choosing again and again, every day. It was almost like self-torment!

I felt awful watching the programme as entertainment and wondered why they would put themselves through that, considering that they must hate themselves. But then I realised what I was putting myself through by not living my life and instead choosing day after day to do nothing and allow myself to be depressed, unwell and hate myself and my life. Before they chose the pain of weight loss, they had chosen the comfort of addictive eating and not enough self-care.  

And rather than feeling motivated to not give up, something in me changed. In that moment, as I realised, I had to go through some pain and struggle to change something awakened in me. And I thought, if this person, who weighs hundreds of pounds, can exercise and put themselves through this torture every day, I can get up right now and go for a walk. I felt motivated to move instead.

I got up and I went for a walk for about 10 minutes around the block. It was a beautiful day outside, and I hadn't noticed. When I came home, something that day changed me forever. I have never watched that show again. 

I realised with that small action that it was never going to change unless I did some work. I was already choosing each moment, but to change the outcome, I had to put in the effort. It didn't matter how much I was reading or learning; if that's all I was going to do, I had to put it into practice. It didn't matter how much I watched and was motivated, if I wasn’t going to use the motivation to make a change. So, with a surrender to the higher desire for better, I started to put some of my knowledge into action. And for me, that started with small steps like taking supplements and walking. 

I explain more about this in the blog Healing Depression, Finding Empowerment. 

I had been doing some spiritual work around that time as well, and perhaps this was all a culmination of energies coming together. I had been waiting and praying for some magical moment of healing where suddenly all the pain would go away or life wouldn't feel hard or painful anymore. It would be easy, and I would be fixed. 

Once I had made that initial change, there was no way I could deny the reality of energy work, healing, and recovery I had just been shown and experienced. To get any sort of results, to make any sort of difference, there had to be some sort of energy exchange. I have since learned this can be a mental shift, a physical move, spiritual or energy work (or many of the other shifts we teach at Love School). 

I made a video explaining this concept a little bit deeper, called Taking Action for Change, which I recommend watching to understand this concept better. 

This blog post isn't about inciting any sort of shame or making anyone feel bad for feeling stuck or trapped. I've come to understand that it was a freeze mode trauma response I was stuck in, it wasn't my fault, something I was consciously choosing or a flaw of my character. 

It was a pattern my nervous system had learned that was keeping me safe.  Except my life was wasting away with the reality I was stuck in. 

Realising that I was safe in my home, in the bubble I had created, I was alive but not living and acknowledging that sometimes the cost of getting better and reaching our goals is facing the pain, choosing the discomfort and taking personal responsibility for the effort.

My surrender and realisation activated the part of me beyond the nervous system and my habits. I connected with my higher self, allowing room for the innate need for growth to take over as I chose to use my power and simply move. 

I realised each time I chose that when I didn’t, I was allowing myself to live in an excuse and suffer needlessly. Yes, I'd had horrible trauma, I was exhausted, anxious and didn't know how else to cope. But once I'd opened my mind, and I was doing energy work, I had started to know better. I was gaining evidence through these TV shows I was watching that people can change. I could see that something new is possible, and I chose it.

And this is what Love School cultivates. As we talk about our shadow work and life design as part of a holistic process.

Shadow work is looking at expanding our unconscious, conscious, learning more, and looking at why we might be stuck and trapped. And the life design is putting our intention into action, giving us tools to make that possible, less intimidating by creating a strategy to follow. 

Our logo at Love School is about the yin-yang, the harmony between the rest and the action, the consideration and the doing. It's the balance and the truth of life that we cannot find unity and harmony without both, and all parts coming into oneness. 

It might feel hard to even read these words, or there might be part of you that would be triggered by the idea that you're choosing inaction, or you may feel resistance to the reality that we have to choose pain to heal or grow. I know that at some points in my journey, that definitely would have been upsetting and triggering to me. It is important not to bypass our need for healing and the nurture, compassion, and empathy that we need to mend a wound; that's all part of the balance. Sometimes resting, researching, giving some time and space to integrate and pause is vital for our healing. 

But then, to move on to the next step in recovery, is the shift from resting to doing. When we get the urge to spend a lot of time signing up for things, joining groups, communities, doing lots of passive action, this is a sign that we are ready for the next stage. We may need to dig deep or gain a higher power within ourselves so we can move. Without following through, we stay stuck in the cycle of the void. 

Additional Support

If you enjoyed this blog and found the insight helpful, I also recommend the following video:

If you feel stuck and are uncertain how to make a change, you might find our Free Life Design tool, 3 Stage Energy Change Formula, helpful to figure out the type of change you need to make for your next step. 

The Quick Wins! Recovery Protocol offers daily guidance and support as you explore holistic recovery and create a foundation of wellness through a life design process. The process helps you create a balanced lifestyle with a focus on self-exploration, health and connecting with nature.

The process is specially designed for beginners and is an introduction to natural, holistic recovery.

If you'd like to explore this further, I'd recommend our Natural Holistic Recovery Course or our Recovery By Design Bundle, where you can gain tools and insights. You will be guided through a process to make sense of all your research and gather it more strategically, then figure out the best-aligned actions to take for a recovery and healing journey.