Something I have noticed, especially since the rise of social media, is the constant glorification of money, work and achievement presented to us as the main marker of our success in life. Society says the bigger our home, the more expensive our car, and the more we generate wealth, the more successful the person. But there is a troubling issue with this association... 

No matter how wealthy we become, our money can not replace the love our heart and soul craves. 

Regardless of their wealth, many people are still troubled. Feeling lonely despite having teams of people around them, company and family, and all manner of support available.  Some incredibly wealthy (and therefore assumed successful) people still struggle with addiction, are paranoid and feel unsatisfied in their lives. The dissatisfaction often leads to constant striving to have more, do more, be more, and get richer without ever really enjoying or appreciating the wealth they already have. 

It can become a habit and an addiction in itself, and is perhaps why we have a huge rise in the number of millionaires and billionaires in our world who never seem to be satisfied with their fortune or feel compelled to use it to make life better for the majority. 

This post is not to bash wealth, having goals, wanting facial stability and a good quality of life; it is to pose a question and explore some answers: 

Why might we feel such a drive to have more once we already have those things? 

My background and upbringing is not one of wealth. I was raised in a single-parent household. We had little money, relied on benefits at times, while my other worked several jobs and studied to re-educate herself. We didn’t have enough, it seemed, for the extra things that made life easier or more enjoyable. 

My introduction to wealth was through other people. Other family members who had better-paying jobs, couples who married well and entered a middle-class lifestyle. Family members who had friends from the elite class who lived in Belgravia and had graduated from Eton school! 

I was an ambitious young person and was determined to succeed… and be wealthy! Now in my 40s, life hasn't turned out as I had expected or wanted.  Wealth didn’t happen; money came and left, and I have had periods of poverty myself. After long periods without a regular income or financial stability, I understand how much stress, anxiety and struggle money contributed to my life, but I have learned to heal regardless. 

Now I can see, I was never fully well until I could be well and find my peace without money. 

I realise that what I had been seeking for most of my life was love, through money and work, and now I know that I would never find it there. Instead, my experiences have taught me very differently, to tap into the love that we cultivate and that exists within us. And only when we can love ourselves, others and life without currency between that process are we able to fully engage with life on the terms we are designed to.

Money is a bonus now, a tool, resource and a helpful blessing, not a necessity, not the fuel or the source of my happiness or pleasure. 

Through my process of healing, I have observed patterns in myself that are also similar to those of other people. I can see the triggers expressed in their social media posts, observe underlying narratives in interviews and make assumptions based on the conversations and interactions I have had with many people over the years. 

When we are neglected in some way, emotionally. When we (as children) feel “we” are less important than (in this case) money or work, we develop a relationship and bond with the idea of money or work (as a construct and concept) over the person and source of what we were originanally seeking; the love, approval, attention and time of our parents or loved ones. 

Because we didn’t get it, but money did, we decided (subconsciously) that money must be more important than us. 

Or we might even be directly told that money or work is more important because our parents love us. The narrative is that because they love us, they want to provide a better life, and that a better life is provided by the money and work… not them, not their time, attention, affection, approval or love and care. 

Some examples of how this can show up in different situations, even in families with extreme wealth:

Sending time with a university friend, he shared that he and his brother felt completely rejected and abandoned by their parents as they travelled around Europe, leaving them at boarding schools or home alone or with a string of hired strangers. My friend said he never felt loved and felt pity for his younger brother, who lived as he did, spending his entire life in institutions or alone without ever knowing his parents for more than a few days at a time. 

Watching friends of a friend gamble tens of thousands of pounds on football games, betting in Indonesia like it was bubble gum, without it even being enjoyable. The passtime so common and lacked any thrill or joy from their wins. Not having worked a day in their lives, they lacked passion or motivation to do anything much, so would spend their time drinking, gambling or drug taking, making money to fund their lifestyle, buying their way out of trouble that nobody ever cared they made.

I saw a video where Andrew Tate was talking about most people having a slave mindset, and yet he bragged about working every minute of his day, wherever he goes, whatever he is doing. He talked about being able to buy everything he wants, but he wouldn't care enough about it to use it. He uses his resources to consume without consideration or meaning. It makes me wonder, what is the point in his endless quest for money if he doesn't even enjoy what he is working for? 

At this level of wealth, when all his physical needs are met, will he ever have enough, and how will he be satisfied? A man who can buy anything but doesn't think marriage is a good idea because he might lose some of his money if it goes wrong. I question, what is the point of living if money means more than love, connection or enjoyment of life?

I saw another video where Jeff Bezos talks about his success coming as a result of choosing between a life of ease and comfort and a life of service and adventure. Some see this as raw ambition, claiming his virtue since he has spent his life working hard towards his goal of becoming a billionaire. 

But what would drive someone to give up all ideas of ease and comfort in their life? 

Especially when we consider the reputation Amazon has for their treatment of staff. Bezos' rejection of ease and comfort in his life seems to have extended into expectations of his underpaid and even exploited employees that they also willingly accept. 

It seems ideas like this are deeply rooted in our culture, particularly through families that have vast wealth. To give up the basic needs of human life and comfort an expectation of maintaining wealth or accumulating or achieving more and more. Elon Musk has spoken about his loneliness and pain over his divorces and missing out on his children's lives as he chooses work over his family and connections. 

Time and time again, in different circles of wealth, I saw a lack of care for the simple needs we all crave: love, connection and appreciation. A longing for soul or satisfaction in life beyond the sparkle of glamour, pretentiousness and expensive drinks. 

This is not to say all people who have wealth are lacking in love, but more so to speak to the pattern and underlying pain I often witnessed being expressed through the behaviours wealth enabled. 

These days, through the media, we see the richest people in the world speaking, yet often I am greeted with a sense of shallowness, sadness or hidden pain as they are poised and celebrated simply because of their wealth. No one is looking past their net worth to see the human beneath. 

The message from self-made millionaires and billionaires is very often one of striving for pride. So many people want to know where this desire to strive comes from and how such high achievers maintain their motivation, and sadly, often the answer is celebrated work addiction. 

Like how cancer is a form of endless growth, consumption, and accumulation without considering the health of the host. The idea of unapologetic, endless growth as a priority over human connection is a worrying trend and wounding to a child exposed to these ideas. 

What price is life really charging us to live this way, and what is the true cost of that kind of success? 

Many of us who experience work addiction find that the root of the striving is often a childhood of suffering, hardship and lack; we are driven to prove our work. Perhaps even a childhood of hurt, loneliness, neglect, abandonment or abuse where work is used to avoid our pain. It is then easier when we can see this wound within us to really see where this drive for money, success and the accumulation of wealth comes from. The drive is often rooted in pain and struggle, which is mimicked in patterns of overachieving and harsh, unapologetic routines. 

Of course, not all people who experience wealth experience this pain and many people who do not experience wealth feel the same pain. 

Many of us succumb to this drive, which is actually for validation, attention and appreciation. Not seeing the wounds, we direct energy towards making money as we try to validate ourselves and build worth through our work or doing “good” in the world. Always needing to be useful in the hopes of being appreciated, valued or admired. Fearing we are not enough. Always seeking love externally and through our actions or contributions. 

There is nothing wrong with money, or the acquisition of it, saving or having a lot of money, being in a position of power because of money, striving, achievement or obtaining wealth. But money and career success in regard to the deeper meaning of life are essentially neutral.

Because money can not buy what is really valuable in life: health, love, fulfilment and more time to live. 

When we believe it does, at the expense of our sprit our heart or our integrity, are we really losing the point, value and innate worth of living life and the vulnerable nature of it? No matter how rich or powerful we are, we can never buy these things. 

Money might help us access more of what we want or need; it might even help us access the very best of what humanity and our knowledge and skills can offer us, giving us more time or improved health and wellbeing, but it can not buy us love, wellness and real soul connection. 

When we understand this illusion of striving and accumulation as a standard of success, as an over-celebrated mark of our achievement, we can begin to see the slave sickness in our culture, even in the richest amongst us. When we see it, we can begin to become free of it. We can turn our attention to the inner child that is afraid, angry or jealous who has been left to fester and be ignored as it becomes a toxic part of our shadow. 

• This might show up in the form of depression or anxiety as we feel nothing for our work or achievements, but can not stop doing it. 

• It might show up as fear of giving up on a career or project we once were deeply passionate about after years of doubt, struggle or disappointment. 

• It might show as bragging in front of others or creating our entire identity around our work, position or career, deep down fearing we are nothing without it. 

• It might look like working despite exhaustion, having no time for leisure or relationships, allowing family, partners, friends and even our children to be neglected in favour of work that always has our priority and attention. 

Like many of us, I have chased money in my life, experienced lack, been hurt by poverty, wished for more, worked harder and harder, desiring or dreaming that if only money would come, my problems, my pain would all be gone. In reality, money never did solve my problems or heal my wounds. It was a childhood dream to think it would.

Inner child wounds can be deeply entangled in our work life through our schooling or when our parents may have prioritised attention, praise or rewards for our doing, serving or achievements while ignoring, punishing or neglecting our needs while we are relaxing, having fun or prioritising what we enjoy. 

Perhaps your parent prioritised their work or money over you and your emotional needs as a child, and you are simply mimicking what you know without realising the hurt you have been tolerating for so long. 

Working through inner child wounds freed me from my work addiction and money chasing. It helped me to find the love I hoped work or money would bring, and instead find it within myself and finally see the worth and value I innately have, regardless of my work or bank balances. Because to me, escaping the matrix is not about money and access to power, it is about freedom of my spiritual expression and embracing life, living and being as enough. 

Access to resources and money can aid better expression in the world. We can enjoy our work, love to produce and create and appreciate being able to consume what we need or desire. But it does not have to be in exchange for our spirit, or by using others or for endless addictive consumption. 

There is nothing money or work can give that we can not learn give and soothe within ourselves or through human connection. Our lives don’t have to be directed by guilt or shame or the harmful patterns of heritage. 

You will know you are free from work or money addiction when: 

• You can rest, relax and be at peace with little or what you already have. 

• You do not need or crave more, and appreciate what you have and enjoy where you are. 

• Work can wait without it being imperative or a constant stress, racing against time. 

• Money and work can not push or pull you around life; you are guided by a balanced influence from all areas of life. 

• Your choices are directed by love and respect for yourself and life. 

• With or without wealth or status, you value yourself the same in every room, place or space, no matter who you are with and what you have with you. 

When we focus on nurturing ourselves and cultivating internal harmony, finding peace without material sources of validation, we will find better wellness, and a sense of fulfilment begins to return to our lives. This form of shadow work and self-care often guides us to find more aligned work and brings about a healthier relationship with money or wealth. 

Additional Support

If this blog post resonated and you struggle with your relationship with money, I recommend the following resources: 

Our Love Fools Episode with Rebakah Kruger explores our attachment style and money relationships. 

You might also enjoy reading more of our blogs in our Money & Recovery Category. 

If you recognise you may have these inner child wounds, or you are struggling with your sense of self-worth, we have courses that can support your healing at Love School.

The Inner Child Healing & Reparenting Course offers a deep dive into this transformative form of shadow work. 

For more personalised support, if you feel stuck or like your value is measured through your bank balance or your work, performance and what you can do or give to the world, especially at the expense of your integrity, health or relationships. Or if you don't know how to love yourself when you are relaxing, doing nothing and being no one, The Art of Enough mentorship programme will help.